Okay so I go over to my girl’s house and she has a bike. I thought hum… I am bored with walking on the treadmill and elliptical so maybe riding a bike would be great exercise. So I get on her bike and the seat disappears somewhere in my butt crack!! LOL No Lie. It hurt like heck! I had to remind that bike that my behind is a one way traffic zone. Everything exits nothing enters! LOL But I continued to test it out. Fat Diva Rule # 1 Always give things you have to sit on a test before applying all of your weight! This goes for bikes, chairs, beds, old church benches, and yes even the first time you use your own toilet. Rules are in random order) So I sat down only halfway and I thought the tire was going down but my friend assured me that it wasn’t and off I went scared to death. It had been at least 15 years since I rode a bike but you never forget. It felt so free with wind blowing on me that I left her house and immediately began shopping for a bike.
Being cheap I started at Walmart. Fat Diva Rule #2: Big Girls can’t buy cheap things like stockings, girdles, bikes, or even clothes in your normal size but if you go up a size or two it might work for you! LOL So I went into Wally World and tried a couple of bikes but the tires just weren’t holding all of this woman. So after all of my embarrassing moments in the middle of the toy sections with screaming little kids breaking toys they ain’t gonna buy, I finally decided that I needed a bike that could hold a woman of substance. And this is exactly what I said when calling REI cycle shop in Buford! The man on the phone had to clear his throat and ask me what I meant by a woman of substance. So I told him I was a fat girl and I gave him my weight! Close your mouth because I did give him that number! I had to know this bike was going to hold me before I went to another store and got my big behind on the bike in front of everyone! Long story short… I paid mucho dinero for my bike. It isn’t the most stylish but it is comfortable. Yes my seat is for full coverage butts! Just like I am built for comfort, so is my bike. I obeyed Fat Diva Rule #1 and gave it my test and it passed with flying colors. Fat Diva just brought her a MILK TRUCK BIKE!!! With a BELL!!! LOL
Fat Diva vs The Hill
So I got my bike, got my bike rack, and got my cute bike riding outfit ( a little off the shoulder 1980’s style workout shirt with matching shorts- you know I got to be cute- forgot it at home in the pic above) Off I went or not went! I have a hill in my neighborhood that is a killer. I rode up the hill and to the end of the street and I couldn’t breathe! How can you be cute if you got sweat falling into your eyes so one eye is closed and your lip has rolled up in one corner because your legs hurt like heck! So that first day I only rode 10 minutes. Don’t laugh it was much harder than I had anticipated.
The next day it got a little better but I also went onto the main road. Okay I know it is not every day that you drive around a curve and see a FAT DIVA on a bike pedaling as fast as she can but dang keep your eyes on the road so that I am not a DEAD FAT DIVA!! I really don’t want to get a helmet!! I am already attracting enough attention as it is so please don’t make me put something on my head. (Please don’t show this to the bike safety people, I can’t afford to get pulled over on my bicycle and get a ticket!) Most people are shocked and you can see it in their eyes. It is the people who stare like they just saw a unicorn or big foot that get me! A lot of people say fat people just need to exercise and push back from the table so whenever I do exercise I get those stares that burn me up inside! That is another topic for a blog: Fat Diva at the Gym!
So my bike experiences have been an adventure! I am up to 45 minutes and looking cute. I am no longer breathing hard and curling up my lip! And I have lost 9lbs!! Whoo Hoo
Lesson Learned: Fat Divas can ride bikes too just not the 98 dollar bikes from Wally World!! You gotta invest some money into it!
Until next time Smwah Enjoy the Journey
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