It’s been a while and I have lots to say! First of all this battle of the bulge is more complex than I had originally thought. I use to think that this was a one on one fight! There was me, FATDIVA, in one corner and the physical WEIGHT in the other. If I ate right and exercised then my troubles would be over. If this was true then I would be a size 0 by now! I am the queen of losing weight but what I couldn’t figure out was how to keep it off.
This is when it gets a little deep so I am using a metaphor of wrestling! See I thought I was in this one on one fight but little did I know this was a tag team battle. I wasn’t winning because I didn’t even know I had more opponents who wanted to fight me at the same time? This would maybe work if I had a partner. But where was my partner? Can you say UNFAIR FIGHT! My battle was no longer just a fight against my physical weight but I realized I was fighting my emotional instability as well. And there I was without any help (so I thought)!
I never could understand why I couldn’t keep the weight off and could never win the battle. Now I know! Every time I would lose weight and would seem to have the weight issue on the ropes, my emotional instability would come and hit me from behind. And I would run into the arms of my first love (food)! Up against the ropes once again being double teamed. I would just lose once again (for the slow folk,... that means I would gain the weight back).
What I didn’t realize is I have a tag team partner, my spirituality, better known as my relationship with God, which I could use to help me with my battle. He is standing ringside waiting for me to tag him in. In the past, I would only cry out in hurt and anguish over me losing the battle but never really asked him to join the fight with me. I never tagged him into the battle and therefore I was losing every round no matter how hard I was fighting. The physical and the emotional issues were kicking my butt daily and not until I started tagging him in, seeking God for guidance and understanding and just basically building our relationship, did I fully understand this fight and began to win.
As a result, I had a “behind the scenes” view of my life...and my struggle with food. It, my weight issue, was like a cancer (Side NOTE: I know another metaphor!! Yeah Jesus spoke in parables so everyone could understand where he was coming from, so there you go!! )
Where was I, oh yeah, CANCER... my weight started in my physical body but started to affect my emotional stability and my spiritual growth. And actually I am not even sure if it started with my physical body but in reality it was my emotional instability that started it all. So what do we do with cancer, we fight it! So that is what I am doing! I am fighting against this problem. But the key is not to just fight where the cancer started but in all the places it has spread because if I don’t it will keep coming back! I mean that literally because I have lost and gained the same hundreds of pounds over and over again in my life. I wasn’t fixing all of the things that were making me fat and fatter!
In order for me to have this excessive weight gone I would have to have a plan that not only helps me address my physical issues but deals with my emotional issues as well. And I can only do it by tagging in my partner, God! He will be able to fight when I am down on the ropes, he will be able to give me strength when I am physically exhausted and emotionally drained. He will be the source of my strength and power. All I have to do is TAG HIM IN!
Fat Diva Rule # 36: When you are being double teamed by your physical desires and your emotional distress don’t forget you have a partner and all you have to do is TAG HIM IN.
Lesson Learned: In the battle of the bulge, things are always not as they appear on first glance.
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